Vitalogy Pearl Jam (1994) Vitalogy was released twenty eight years ago today. It's more experimental than the first two albums that the band released. On the night that I picked it up, I listened to the entire album from front to back. When Bugs played, I remember thinking that it was the weirdest Pearl Jam song that I'd ever heard. That feeling lasted for about 23 minutes until I listened to the last song on the album.
The fourteenth and final song on Vitalogy is called Hey Foxymophandlemama, That's Me, but it's also known as Stupid Mop. There's no singing on this track. It's an instrumental piece with spoken word clips mixed in that sounded to me like they could have been recordings between a psychiatrist and their patients. It's creepy as hell and it still sends a shiver up my spine when I hear it, but there's no amount of description that can do it justice. You just have to listen to it for yourself.
By spanking me, that's the only thing I want so much
Spanking me, that's the only thing I want so much
That's the only thing I want so much
How do you want people to love you?
By spanking me, that's the only thing I want so much
That's the only thing I want so much
Why is that better than being hugged?
Why is that better than being hugged?
Because you get closer to the person
Closer to the person
Why is that better than being hugged?
Because you get closer to the person
Closer to the person
Just like a person having sex feels cared for
They wanna be loved, so they have sex together
And they feel loved about that
Well, this is the way it makes me feel, loved
I want it and I dream about it and I think about it and want it
Just like a girl wants sex with a boy, you know?
That's the way I'll always be, probably
I lost all my real friends because of being in this system
See?
They're stupid, really stupid, those people over there
They're stupid
These people are so low mentality, honest to God, really
You know what I mean? And they got the nerve to bug me
You know what I mean? And they got the nerve to bug me
Mentality, honest to God, really
You know what I mean? And they got the nerve to bug me
Honest to God, really
You know what I mean? And they got the nerve to bug me
Bug me, bug me
And they got the nerve to bug me
Everything seems so hateful, I mean, the people seem so hateful
And I, I don't know if that's my imagination, but, you know
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
And I don't know if that's my imagination, but, you know
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
Know if that's my imagination, but, you know
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
She prides herself on her cleaning talents
She prides herself on her cleaning talents
Hey, foxy mop-handle mama, that's me
She prides herself on her cleaning talents
She prides herself on her cleaning talents
This mop is tearing off a little, it's loose
Well, so far, the mop ain't streaking, oh, there's streaking
See what I mean about this dumb mop? It streaks
Come on, mop, quit streaking, mop, mop
I don't mind mopping floors, but when my mop streaks, I don't like it
It ain't me, it's the mop
I told my boss to get some new mops
We get rag mops
Not stupid old, dumb old sponge mop
Dumb mop, there, the floor looks beautiful
Dumb mop, there, the floor looks beautiful
Dumb mop
Dumb old sponge mop
Dumb old sponge mop
Dumb old sponge mop
Dumb old sponge mop
Dumb old sponge mop
You're right, this mop's stupid
Dumb old sponge mop
Dumb mop, there, the floor looks beautiful
That's why they call me mop-handle mama
There, the floor looks beautiful
That's why they call me mop-handle mama
That's why they call me mop-handle mama
That's why they call me mop-handle mama
And two weeks before she can see her psychiatrist
So Wednesday at 9?
Although she disturbed no one today, the manager told her to leave again
Don't you ever do it again or I'll sue you
I don't want to tell the whole world that I'm mentally ill
Or that I'm crazy
I wanna go out in the world
and I want to show them that I can go out in the world and not act crazy
And I can still fantasize, but keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you? Very much so
I think I deserve to be loved
Keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you?
To be loved, don't you?
But keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you?
And I can still fantasize, but keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you? Very much so
Do you ever think that you actually would kill yourself?
Well, I have thought of it real, uh, real deep
Yes, I believe I would
I have thought of it real, uh, real deep
Yes, I believe I would
And I can still fantasize, but keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I can go out in the world and not act crazy
And I can still fantasize, but keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you?
Not act crazy
And I can still fantasize, but keep it to myself, keep it to myself, keep it to myself
I think I deserve to be loved, don't you? Very much so
Do you ever think that you actually would kill yourself?
Well, I have thought of it real, uh, real deep
Yes, I believe I would
I had absolutely no idea what I had just heard when I first listened to Stupid Mop. In 2022, you can do a Google search to find the lyrics of just about any song in a matter of seconds. Even if it's a new or obscure song that hasn't been archived by any of the databases, you could quickly find people discussing it on Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or any other social media platform. None of this was true in 1994. The only source of information I had was the liner notes of the album, and the only mention of this song other than the track listing was a brief note which says that it was recorded and mixed by Brett Eliason with Jack Irons on drums. That's it.
I played this track in my bedroom dozens of times, turning the volume all the way up in certain parts to try to piece together as much of what was being said as I could in an effort to figure out what the hell I was listening to. Eventually, the song faded to the dark corners of my memory, but I was listening to Vitalogy recently and had the same feelings of curiosity about Stupid Mop that I had as a teenager.
On May 15th, 2000, the band was asked about Stupid Mop during an online chat with fans on Lycos. This clue kicked off a search for whatever it was that Eddie Vedder taped off of television that was used for the spoken word portions of this track. Eventually, fans discovered that it was from the May 27th, 1986 episode of the PBS documentary series Frontline. It's called A Matter Of The Mind.
Fast forward to 29:12 to see the part of the show that was used for the start of the song. They changed the pitch of the audio when it was mixed into the track, but it's clear that this is the source.
The song has become creepy to me once again, but for completely different reasons. First of all, I wonder what happened to the people in this episode of Frontline. Did they or their family know that their interviews were used in a Pearl Jam album, and if so, how do they feel about it? Does anybody care? Is it fair game to use these clips for artistic expression because they agreed to be interviewed for television? I don't think that Eddie Vedder is the type of person who would knowingly do something harmful to people who are clearly among society's most vulnerable, but this feels exploitative. Vitalogy was released less than eight years after these interviews were broadcast on television, so it's certainly plausible that these men and women could have heard this song at some point. I know even less about how to feel about this song than I did when I first heard it, and I didn't think that was possible.