Photography by Marie Killen
Source: NovaThunder
I don't know the name of the model that Ms. Killen took these photos of, but her pictures have inspired me to write about something that I haven't shared with very many people in my life. For as far back as I can remember, I've wished that I was born as a girl instead of a boy. The intensity of these feelings goes in and out like the tide; sometimes it's strong and other times it gets pushed to the back of my mind, but it's never gone. The feeling is always there.This isn't something that I feel comfortable pursing as a lifestyle for many reasons that I'm not going to discuss at this time. Things might have been different if I was born 20 years later or grew up in a more open-minded and supportive environment, but coming out of the transgender closet or attempting to express this side of myself in any way that is very obvious to the general public would cause more problems for me than it would solve. My wife knows and she is very loving and supportive, but I have a hard enough time with social situations when I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans and I don't want to make things more complicated than they have to be. Besides, it's not like these feelings are causing me intense depression or anything like that. I look in the mirror and see a guy in a Phillies shirt and I think "eh, good enough". If reincarnation is real, maybe I'll get a shot to live as a girl next time... or maybe I already did and that's where these feelings are coming from. Who knows.
The style that I'd see myself adopting if I was born as a girl would be far closer to Joan Jett than Barbie, but this look absolutely speaks to my soul. If I woke up tomorrow as this woman with this dress in my closet, I'd put it on and run to the highest mountaintop I could find and scream at the top of my lungs to let the world know I was here.
